A Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.

😀

He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, “That’s about average up our way, folks… like I said.

My boy’s names Graeme, a typical County Clare baby boy.” Two weeks later the man returns to the bar.

The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you?

Everybody’s been making’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks …. so how much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.” The bartender is puzzled and concerned. “What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born.”

😀

The father takes a slow swig of his Jame-son Irish Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had Graeme circumcised.”

Comments

A man travels on a ship

A man travels on a ship. 😀 Two days in, the ship encounters a storm and drowns. Hanging on weakly to a piece of the mast, he manages to survive and gets washed up on an unknown island. Only problem is, it’s so unknown that no ship ever comes near it. 10 years pass on the island, and the survivor has been alone all this time, that is until one day, he suddenly notices an unusual speck in the distance. “It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself. No ship has ever come. As the speck gets closer and closer the man starts to rule out the possibility that it’s a small boat or even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf is a beautiful blonde woman wearing scuba gear and a wet suit. She approaches the man, who can’t believe his eyes. She tells him she has a boat nearby, and she just took a swim. 😀 The look of the poor man makes her feel a great wave of pity for him. “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” she asks the man. “It’s been 10 years,” he replies....

My boss phoned me today

My boss phoned me today 😀 My boss phoned me today. He said, “Is everything okay at the office?” I said, “Yes, it’s all under control. It’s been a very busy day; I haven’t stopped.” “Can you do me a favor?” he asked. 😀 I said, “Of course, what is it?” He said, “Hurry up and take your shot; I’m in the foursome behind you.”

Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights

Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights. 😀 With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Carl in bed with his wife. He lies down and instantly passes out. Carl panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers: “Don’t go, this moron is so drunk he won’t even feel me plucking a hair on his bum.” The wife does exactly that and the husband doesn’t move. Carl, now reassured, proceeds with the job. Half an hour later Ted moves a bit, and Carl is just about to freak out, the wife stops him and plucks another hair from his bum. Another hour later Carl is still going at it. After a while, just to be sure, he plucks another hair from Ted’s bum. 😀 Ted then moves around a bit and mumbles: “Look man, I don’t mind you lovemaking my wife, but do you really need to keep score on my bum?”

FUNNY JOKES

Search This Blog